Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Papa Pilot

This happened a long time ago. Two years ago, to be precise. I was bored and decided to try my hand at limericks. So I started scribbling little scraps of doggerel on my partner's (Rudraksh Banerjie, man, I am really promoting his blog!) notebooks. While some might get pissed off, he was actually pretty amused. So I started putting them up as Facebook statuses. Now, I don't remember exactly how it happened, but Akshat Bahl, another friend of mine started contributing as well. We started competing. I'd put up a four line stanza, he would comment on it with another and so on until finally we had a ludicrous, disgusting, juvenile, hilarious (at least, we thought it was) poem. I soon forgot about it.
A few days ago, Akshat dredged up this story-poem from the sands of time, inspiring me to post it here so I'd never lose it again.
So here it is...enjoy!

Oh, and I have no idea why I chose to call the protagonist of this epic Papa Pilot.

EssayTea     : Papa Pilot ate a cat today
                       Felt a little hungry, but it's okay,
                       'Cause he puked it out a little while later.
                       That's the last time he asks ALF to cater.

Akshat Bahl : He doesn't know how to fly,
                       His voice will make you cry,
                       He's a funny old crappy chap,
                       Don't laugh at him or else he'll give you a slap...

ET                : Papa Pilot got arrested for DUI.
                      The cop took pity on him when he saw him cry
                      Tore up the ticket and started walking away...
                      ...Papa Pilot ran over a cop today.

AB               : All he could do was run,
                      Some gangsters considered it kinda fun,
                      After he whopped the cop's ass with a bang,
                      They took him in his gang...

ET                : But despite all his efforts,
                       Papa Pilot wasn't a thug;
                       The truth is he couldn't even harm a ladybug
                       Because he knew that crime doesn't pay.
                       So...hey wait a minute... didn't Papa Pilot  run over a cop yesterday ?!

AB               : It's a funny story, he lost his mind:
                      He broke into a bank and a penny was all he could find.
                      The people laughed at him,
                      He walked out of the bank with Tim...

ET                : But Tim was a backstabber; he betrayed his new friend.
                      Papa Pilot swore a vendetta against Tim until the end
                      Of the world, the universe, space and time  
                      Or maybe just until the end of this rhyme

AB               : A never-ending rhyme is what i call it.
                      I dont think anyone can stop it.
                      Other people should read this crazy rhyme.
                      Instead of wasting their time,
                      Let's chuck the rhyme and go back to Papa Pilot.
                      His balls were bursting and he couldn't find a toilet...

ET               : So decided to man up and ignore that need
                      Because he really needed something good to read.
                      Something insightful, amazing, something he could read in bed.
                      But then he thought, "Screw it!" and went to the toilet instead.

AB               : He wanted to pee but shit while standing instead,
                      He couldn't find his way to the bed,
                      His room was full of stuff you know,
                      His water didn't come in proper flow...

ET               : But let us move away to a less unpleasant scene;
                     Papa Pilot trying his very best to go green.
                     He reduced his carbon footprint, put up posters all o'er town.
                     But then he rammed his car into a tree,
                     And knocked the tree down.....crap!

AB              : Crap happened when he tried to get out,
                     He was stuck between two branches with a bird's egg in his mouth,
                     He was dumb; I think he knew it.
                     A man passing by said, "Gosh! That ass blew it!"

ET              : Such a sudden change of scene left Papa Pilot confused.
                     This wasn't the kind of world to which he was used.
                     Beaten, humiliated, unsure of himself, in despair
                     Papa Pilot hung himself with a noose made from his own hair

AB              : Now that he is dead,
                     I hope this poem you have read,
                     I think we should end this rhyme,
                     Bye Essay Tea, see you next time...

ET              : And so we bid adieu
                     To Papa Pilot and me and you
                     Perhaps we'll meet him in another life
                     Perhaps one day, he'll have a wife...